Social Health and Connection: the Missing Link for Wellbeing

Human connection plays an important role for health and wellbeing, yet often gets less attention.  

Physical, mental and social health are interconnected. Physical health is about your body, mental health is about your mind, and social health is about your relationships. 

Kasley Killam's book * addresses why social health is so important, and the actions we can take to live longer, healthier and happier lives.  

Good relationships are pivotal to good social health when the “We” of wellness replaces the “I” of illness.

Individuals who maintain close relationships feel supported, have lower risk of depression, lower likelihood of chronic conditions and increased longevity.

Our changing life stories, and the experiences of others, reinforce the power of connection and the impact of disconnection.

I watched a moving documentary about prisoners recently released from jail. They described the grief and loss of being estranged from family members. Many joined gangs as a way of belonging. A common thread was their desire to reconnect with family, some of whom they hurt with their previous criminal behaviour. Their best hope of staying out of jail was to reconnect with family.

Loneliness is a risk factor for our overall health and wellbeing.

Loneliness is more prevalent among younger adults and older adults.

Younger adults (under 25) are still figuring out who they are. Peer groups and social media influences leave them feeling like they are not keeping up or missing out. Some older adults (over 55) have less frequent interaction with colleagues. Friends and family may have moved away. Others are empty nesters or retirees.  

Loneliness can creep up on us, or coincides with an event, or a new life stage.

For over a decade, I organised some wonderful outdoor adventures for women around New Zealand. That was my tribe. Later I wrote a book about Going AWOL * (with Adventurous Women on the Loose) and devoted a chapter to kinship and connection. I saw firsthand how shared adventures in beautiful surroundings led to more relaxed conversations and strengthened our friendships.

After I became a fulltime caregiver three years ago, I wrote and self-published two books, a solitary occupation. Recently we relocated to a small rural township where we have few connections. 

We all experience loneliness from time to time – it's part of our humanity.

Being lonely is not the same as being alone. Being lonely is when there is a gap between what we desire and what we have.

Being alone helps us develop a better understanding of who we are, how we want to spend our time and who we want to keep company with.  

Jeremy Nobel's book * highlights that the quality of our social connections, not the quantity, determines how lonely we feel.

What holds us back from human connection?

Inhibiting self-beliefs - that no one understands us, or that we will not be accepted, can lead to withdrawal and make it harder to connect with others. 

Busyness – when we constantly race from one thing to another, we run out of time to reach out. To connect with others in a meaningful way takes commitment and energy. 

Everyone has differing needs for solitude and social time, and different communication preferences. 

Having the right quality and quantity of connections to suit our individual preferences contributes to overall wellbeing. 

Social health also comes from belonging to communities and groups.

Communities nourish us when they give us a sense of belonging. Over time, friendships develop that are reciprocal for support in times of need. 

Regular engagement in group physical activity or creative expression can be part of our human connection workout - yoga or gym workouts, poetry or painting classes. 

Diverse relationships enhance our health and wellbeing. 

Interesting things happen when people from diverse backgrounds, with different life experiences, come together. Intergenerational friendships encourage us to be good role models and to wider our perspectives. 

Shared stories lead to deeper understanding and connection.

When we show our vulnerability, by sharing our hopes and fears, connection follows. We skip the small talk to find a place of kinship and affinity and connect at a deeper level. Sharing our innermost thoughts encourages others to do the same. 

When we make relationships a priority, we strengthen our social health. 

Combine in-person with online friendships.

Reach out and make time to spend with the people you care about.

Balance your needs and desires with those of others, and allow for time alone.

Questions to ponder: 

What connections in your life do you find the most nourishing?

How can you strengthen the ties that connect you to others?

Consider ways to combine your interests with being around the people you care about. 

Recommended reading:

Kasley Killam, The Art and Science of Connection: Why Social Health is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Heathier and Happier.

Jeremy Nobel, Project Unlonely: Navigate Loneliness and Reconnect with Others.

Mary Somervell, Going AWOL: Inspiration and Insights from Adventurous Women on the Loose.